My rape as a young male is possibly the most difficult of subjects I had to re visit and write about in the whole book. Male rape is arguably the worst form of bulling possible. When writing the chapters around being sexually abused I do not research the topic, just sat and recollected the pain I endured and wrote as I did. It was very much a stop-start activity. I had to go away from the keyboard several times to counter the emotions I felt whilst writing. It made me question my sexuality, my worth as a human, made me lie and I felt cheated of part of my life. I know now that these feelings, as a victim, are not special to me. Other victims must also feel the range of negativity that I felt. Perhaps, back in the day, if I could have accessed conversation with other sufferers I would not have held the mental pain for so long.
I trust, hope and pray that my story helps others and this site will be a used as a transport to start erasing the emptiness and guilt for other victims hurting in a way that was never accessible to me. Please, please please use the blogs to vent inner-held feelings and begin to be open and honest with oneself and life again.